I know. It’s probably silly to pray for the rain to stay away, but still I do it, with constant breath. My reasons are selfish. Where others in the world are praying it away because of floods, loss of home, and actual tragedy… I just pray from selfishness and stress.
The early part of the week has been perfect and rain is now on the horizon from Thursday through Sunday. My selfish desire is that I need this weekend to be clear enough for a blasted garage sale. It’s not just because I have a garage full of things dug out of my house from the massive cleaning I have done in the past few weeks, which I DO, but because we need to make a killing on the sale. It’s our way to recover lost income for the last month and a half and, ridiculously, I hope can be a source of help in the following month. That’s a lot of ask of a simple garage sale. I don’t doubt God could do it – but it is still a LOT to ask of a little front yard sale over two days.
I have been given wonderful donations from friends who have cleaned out garages and closets on our behalf as well. I guess I honestly dont pray for the rain to go away so much as I pray for God to bless this sale, and to help it be a source of provision from Him. I know he can help us have a killer sale even in the rain. I know it. My heart is just tired of the rainy days, literal and figurative, however, and I am weary of these dreary days that sap my energy and sunshine-like joy.
Okay – truthfully I’m having a hard day – feeling like this massive spider I just saw swinging in front of the picture window I sit before as I write this. He was hanging down – suspended by an unseen thread of web. It completely supported him even while the wind blew him back and forth and spinning wildly. The web never once broke, but after the spinning stopped, it lowered him down completely to the ground safely. He reached firm footing and then continued to do whatever it was he set out to do.
I know I am fully supported, suspended above securely by God’s unseen hand. But I feel like I am spinning wildly and blowing in the wind. I want to reach up and cling to that unseen hand like a child to their Daddy. I am not sure what has sent me spinning – but it is dizzying.
It has taken intentional stubbornness to get my chin up, and even though it is quivering, choose to ride this gust out and continue to pray for provision – come rain or come sun, thanking Him in advance for the grace He will show in the midst of this current trial and storm of life.
Because no matter how raw and scared I am – I know that I am held, loved, and seen.